I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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