ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
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