Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Randomize
