Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
