At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
PANTIES FOUND
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
