Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
