The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
