I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
they're like a gay fantastic four
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
