Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
