you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
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