Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize