We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Randomize
