so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
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