Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
