I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
