FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
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