Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
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