dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Randomize
