my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Randomize
