I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Randomize
