You're my little dorito
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
Randomize
