we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
He passed out mid-signature
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
