Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
