just survived the first fart of the relationship.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
Randomize
