Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
