We're like a lot better than the average bears
May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
