Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Randomize
