No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
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He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
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K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
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