I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
