You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Randomize
