Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
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his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
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Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
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