ugly people sure do ruin things
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Randomize
