TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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