the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
