You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Randomize
