My liver just broke up with me...
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
Randomize
