Your face is a jimmy john
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
Randomize