feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
i think i have two assholes
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Randomize