My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
