my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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