all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
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