I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
Text me some of your sweat
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