I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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