I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
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