I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
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woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
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they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
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