dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Randomize
