How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
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