I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize
