You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
