there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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