Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
You're breaking my sexual little heart
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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