Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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