More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
