I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
