im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
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