Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
Randomize