dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Randomize
