Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Randomize
