The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.